growing up lessons

As the kiddos get older, even though we're homeschooling...or maybe especially because we're homeschooling, the parental challenges are changing in ways that I have to suddenly adapt to; that other parents whose children are traditionally schooled may already have encountered, long before us.  I feel fully responsible for their behaviors, or lack thereof....yet I have to realize, they really are their own persons; here for their own growth and purposes and unique missions.  And as I little by little loosen the reigns, the best I can do is hope that our open communication  and example, makes a difference in the choices they make everyday; and in how they treat themselves and others.


This week's lesson for all of us is in group mentality.....when one child decides to make fun of another, and then another decides to join in the fun of making fun of the child too....perhaps it may not have seemed like a big deal to the two ganging up on the one, but it could easily be a really big deal to her and greatly hurt her feelings.  This is going to happen in the real world.  It doesn't make it ok, but it's a good lesson in teaching both of my girls in how to "react" to children who are intentionally trying to "belittle" another child in some way.  No matter how small or insignificant it may seem to the children who are engaging in the "teasing" (in this case the word "mean" came up from both of my daughters), it can be VERY hurtful to the one being targeted.
 

Very recently, there was a suicide in our county school district.   The girl put on a smile, and hid her pain (from what they suspsect was bullying) from her friends and siblings and parents.....but one day she apparently could no longer handle what she buried, and she shot herself.  This girl was 12----TWELVE!

I talked to my girls about this.  I tend to take little things very seriously; I also tend to be accutely aware of the "little" things....little things may start little,  but they can quickly escalate; especially to a child who doesn't easily express herself.  We've had some VERY long talks over the last couple of days about how they should react when they witness children intentionally being mean to another child, or how they should handle it when it happens to them.  We also had firm talks explaining that when they witness that, that it's NEVER ok....never....and they need to express that and NEVER stoop to that kind of behavior.  Our way of trying to nip issues in the bud, is to spend more time together as a family.  We may homeschool and spend a lot of time together compared to others, but we too get busy and caught up in our projects......and last week, both girls called us on it; a LOT came up (especially for me) last week.  I closed on my first Thirty one Party; I had my end of the year band rehearsal; I received the shocking and sad news that my band director decided it's in his best interests to "retire" from our group; and a musician friend who is my age was put into hospice care.  Needless to say, I've been preoccupied, and the kiddos really felt it last week.   J was busy trying to get through some projects, so we can start using our boat and having fun; but the kiddos felt that too.  My girls love and need and cherish our family time; and I can see a big difference when we're "too busy" for our own children:(   That is NOT ok!

 
 Finally, I don't expect that my girls need to do everything together, and have all the same friends; but they do need to stand up for each other, first and foremost.   And when I see one of them having problems, my solution, is to take them out on a girls' day outing to help them remember that they need to support one-another!

These are good lessons.  Important lessons...and I'm grateful to have such close and intimate contact with my girls so I can hopefully see the sublte things and address them immediately.  What may seem subtle to an adult is amplified for a child.  I'm so grateful for our decision and ability to homeschool; I'm so grateful for our family closeness.
I'm so grateful that our girls are very open with us!  On a humorous note, this week we also learned, that all the kids think that we are "old and boring" because we don't drink and party.  Our kids expressed that they wish their quiet, nature-loving parents were more cool:)  The same kids who fight us about going to the beach (true story)....yet they have the best time every time we go.  The campfires, why oh why do we have to have another campfire;)  Another bikeride?  do we have to?  And don't get me started on when we start taking our boat out :D  And camping?  the nerve of us:)  It's true though, we don't have the energy we had in college to party:)

But although they moan and whine about all these "boring" adventures, can I let you in on a little secret?  Once we're actually there, doing whatever it is we are doing (or not doing), our girls pretty much almost always have a really great time (not counting jellyfish stings;).  And I'm pretty certain these are the memories they will most cherish;)

yes, they are getting older and more independent.....and I couldn't be more proud of and grateful for my girls and our life together!


We are very very blessed!